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What is your favorite day of the week? During college my favorite day of the week was Thursday because it was the unofficial start of the weekend. Of course once you start working Friday seems to be everyone’s favorite day. Saturday and Sunday’s are a no brainer! Nobody likes Mondays and let’s be honest, Tuesdays… Read more.
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One thing I know for sure is that our lives are constantly filled with decision making. Some of them are daily rather small decisions, but many of them are decisions that may determine large aspects of your life. Can you remember what you would consider the first big decision of your life? Many of us… Read more.
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I thought I would take some time to reflect upon the last year. When we look back on the past we tend to think of things that happened on a large scale: that is just human nature. As I sat back reflecting on 2011 I found it to be a very difficult process. I am… Read more.
Needless to say I have had more time on my hands recently. Daytime can get boring, but I have found a new television show to watch called “Surviving the Cut” on the Discovery Channel. Thankfully, my older sons introduced me to this show. The premise of the show is soldiers who want to be considered the best of the best and it takes you through the training and sacrifices they do to become Navy Seals, Night Rangers, Elite Marksmen, etc. Not all of them make it but certain traits seem to always stand out for those who do. These include determination, perseverance, desire, and will, among many others. But two qualities always seem to stand out: Mental Toughness to overcome anything and Teamwork. These two qualities seem to propel those who survive the rigors to make the cut over those who don’t. I have seen some of the physically strongest soldiers fail because they did not have the mental toughness some of the physically weaker soldiers possessed. It is also obvious how teamwork superseded the individual. In the military, the team or unit will never leave a soldier behind and will always be there to help the individual to overcome things that perhaps he/she couldn’t do alone. I have soon realized how similar this is to my life now.
Today I am in the Mental Toughness battle of my life. If you see me, no doubt you will notice the physical changes that have occurred and will continue to occur as time goes on. Just like soldiers who are challenged physically beyond what they think they can endure, the question is will I have the mental toughness to overcome? Trust me there are many times I want to give up. Shaving, showering, and getting dressed are exhausting every morning. I have to throw a towel on the bed just so I can bend over and dry my hair because the towel is too heavy to lift. I won’t go into eating but you can guess how hard that has become. I could go on and on about the little things that come so easy to many have become so difficult. This is where the mental toughness comes in. Less than a few years ago my life was fairly normal; heck I was still playing adult ice hockey. It would be easy to give up, but I refuse. I would be letting down myself, my children and my God. As a father, husband, and Christian, I still have plenty of work to do here. Don’t get me wrong, I have my moments but then something or someone does something to pick me up and get me refocused. This brings me to teamwork.
I have noticed that the best leaders and most successful people in life surround themselves with the best people; the best team if you will. In the military, a battle may be lost but in the long haul the war will be won by the best team. Thankfully, I have surrounded myself with the best people to make my team. I know I have a difficult battle ahead of me but if I fall someone will be there to pick me up. I have acquired a team of people who will drop everything to help me or my family when needed. It can be a humbling feeling to call someone to come change some light bulbs, but I have learned I have a team in place to do just that. I am one of the lucky ones. Many people are facing battles like mine alone. Those are the people I pray for and hope to help.
Here is my challenge for you: If you know someone struggling in life, be a part of the team that will help when they fall. If you are facing a difficult challenge, surround yourself with the most positive people you can to help you when you feel like giving up. We all can and deserve to survive the Cut but it starts and ends with Mental Toughness and Teamwork. Combine those two traits and we all will be Surviving the Cut!
As kids go back to school this week I got to thinking, is there a magic cutoff period when our children truly become accountable for their own actions? Is there a moment when parents can become detached enough from the lives of their children and feel nothing because it is “their life?” Can it be that parents are sentenced to a lifetime of worry? Just a few years ago I had the full range of kids: from diapers to dating to driving. I worried about them all but they were all very different worries.
When I turned thirty I had my first child and as many people probably do I thought “holy crap how am I going to take care of this precious child?” I remember the first time I had to watch one of my children get strapped into the paapoos board to get stitches in his chin. I asked the nurse, “When do you stop worrying about your children?” She replied, “When they get out of the accident stage.” I found that hard to believe.
Then there was the time, I sat on a little chair in a classroom and heard how one of my children talked too much, disrupted the class, etc. I thought oh well the world always needs professional waste haulers! As if to read my mind, the teacher said, “Don’t worry. They all go through this stage, and then you can sit back, relax, and enjoy them.” Again, I found that hard to believe.
Now with two in high school, I spend my time waiting for the phone to ring, the car to come home, and the garage door to open. Someone said, “They’re trying to find themselves. In a few years, you can stop worrying. They’ll be adults.” Once again, I find that hard to believe.
While most people have this steady progression of worries, I sit here today a 48 year old man with all these worries going on at the same time with children ranging from five to almost eighteen. The odd thing for me is that I get a sense that my kids worry about me. They see their dad struggle at things physically and I know what they feel like because I had the same worry about my father who had a physical handicap. In fact, one of my children recently, said to me, “Where were you? I’ve been calling and texted you three times. Was he worried? Probably a little but I knew it was more because he wanted something.” One day they will call simply for the sake of wanting to talk with me.
Let’s face it, we all have worries, but how well are we handling those worries when it comes to our kids. I think if you asked my wife she would say I don’t worry enough, but that is because she worries too much…we make a good pair!
The way I look at it, the Lord provided me with four miracles to parent for him while on this earth. Their names are Dan, Jake, Evan, and Katy. I worry more about doing his work in a way that would make him proud than worrying about my kids scraping their knee or bumping their head. Am I being a good role model? Am I showing respect and love for their mom? Are my actions following my spoken words? I am not perfect, none of us are, but I consciously try to do the best I can every day. With unconditional love comes responsibilities and yes some worries, but not sweating the small stuff has eased my stress level immensely. My hope is that by the time my children leave home, I have provided enough guidance for them to make proper choices in life and for them to know that my guidance, love, and support will never stop, and yes neither will my worries as a father however minor they may seem.
